Shared custody is the standard outcome in most divorce scenarios. When parents decide they can no longer live together, they have to find a way to divide parental rights and responsibilities. The ideal in such scenarios is typically co-parenting.
Co-parenting occurs when two parents work together closely to meet the needs of their children as consistently and effectively as possible. Co-parenting is not always a reasonable goal. Sometimes, the conflict between the parents is too intense for them to overcome, at least in the initial months after a divorce or separation. Other times, the parents may have objectively different parenting styles that make co-parenting all but impossible. In such scenarios, seeking to parallel parent can be the best option available.
What is parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is an approach to shared custody in which parents mimic parallel lines. They both move toward the same end goal of raising healthy, successful young adults while minimizing how often they communicate or cross paths with each other.
Like parallel lines, they try to remain fully separate. Parallel parenting requires clear boundaries and mutual respect for them. Parallel parenting differs from co-parenting in that it does not involve regular communication but rather the opposite. Parents make every reasonable attempt to plan ahead for all likely co-parenting challenges. That way, they have minimal interaction with one another once they actually begin sharing custody.
Parallel parenting generally requires a much more robust parenting plan than co-parenting. Parents do not address disputes and disagreements as they arise but instead need to have rules in place for as many likely situations as possible.
They may give each parent the final decision-making authority in certain areas so that they don’t have to cooperate on major choices regarding their children. They may have rules requiring communication through a co-parenting app and custody exchanges involving neutral third parties or a location in between their houses. Parallel parenting means that parents generally need to have ways to split special events because they are unlikely to attend at the same time without conflict.
For some families, parallel parenting can be a step in the transition to co-parenting. For others, parallel parenting is the best option. Parents may continue parallel parenting until their children reach adulthood and are no longer subject to custody orders.
Learning more about different approaches to shared custody can help parents choose the right plan for their family. Parallel parenting may a viable option for many families dealing with high levels of conflict during divorce.